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A Dark Time of the Year

Today I bought a box of dark chocolate sea salt caramels from Trader Joe’s. I also melted cheese on tortilla chips and didn’t share them with my kids. I’m seeking comfort food but ultimately I’m not comforted, for long anyway, from these foods. This is a dark time of the year for me. Turning the clocks back makes it almost impossible to get outside to catch some vitamin D, plus when I do go out, I’m bundled from head to toe leaving little opportunity to get that vitamin D zing I crave.  This year has been particularly hard.  Maybe it is because my mother moved to Florida and I miss her deeply, maybe it is due to my plantar fasciitis that has kept me from getting a hardcore-cardio workout for many months, and it might also be because I’ve been obsessively watching Breaking Bad (that is some crazy dark shit). But, every year at this time, I feel both tremendously lonely while also wanting to be alone. I’d be happiest in a cabin in the woods with books, a pot of soup, and the heat of a wood stove with a mailbox full of invitations to holiday parties.  Contradictory? Certainly, but this is me at the darkest time of the year.

Why am I sharing all of this? Because I know this time is hard for a lot of people.  I also know that even though I am in a dark place that I also feel so much better when I’m outside. I bundle up tightly, move briskly through my urban neighbor or on a trail through the woods, and naturally breathe more deeply. I manipulate my schedule to get outside during daylight hours and when I’m out there, I take a moment to stand still, to tilt my face to the sun with my eyes shut, and to simply breath.

Recently I’ve started going to Lila, an incredible yoga studio on the east end of Portland. The first month for new clients is only $60 for unlimited yoga. I’m loving trying out all of the instructors and finding the openings in my body that are so darn tight and dark. It is helping. It is a bit of drive from my house but once I’m there I’m only .5 miles from the ocean.  So, I try and connect my outdoor time to either end of my yoga classes. Getting outside at this time of year and doing yoga is my therapy.

Here are some photos from the East End Beach.  A spot I’ve visited three times in the last week.

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How about you–if you struggle with this time of the year, what are some ways you cope until the daylight hours are longer?

One thought on “A Dark Time of the Year

  1. You are not alone, Erica! I need to go to yoga and/or the gym nearly every day to get the endorphins going. I enjoy my pellet stove, gazing into the fire, finding the light and sound soothing to my soul. I also read more, which sometimes acts as a sort of introverted social life, if that makes sense. It just fits with the season of going inward. I also value one-on-one time with friends, as opposed to large gatherings. It can feel lonely, but it gives us the opportunity to reflect on our recent activities, and dream/plan for what’s next. We get more cozy family time, as everyone is drawn to the warmest room of the house. I think that’s my favorite part! Thanks for writing and getting me to think about all of this. 🙂

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